Oh! The things you would see...
Oh! The things you would hear...though I'm certain the neighbors hear some of it yet, I pretend they don't and this makes me feel better.
In attempt to stop the occassional slip and drop an f-bomb or other curse word, my family has embraced substitute sayings instead - cheese and crackers, mother hubbard, fudge, and other such words and phrases. We have a Swear Jar and charge $0.25 for each offense, keeping a tally list on the fridge with payment due on the weekend. Though we all pay our dues, I am the worst offender. By far. I find this unfair as I spend more time with the kids and they push me to limits beyond my control. And I work from home - I occassionally hang up the phone and mutter an innocent "dumbass" under my breath that tally up quick! [disclaimer: this wasn't after our call, I promise!] The trifecta of work and kids and at home are prime swearing territory. My 6 year old is the next worse offender because he is a jokester and loves to get his brothers giggling. What better way than to throw down a string of curse words? They reach levels of hysteria if parts of the anatomy are also used. Pretty much a state of chaos at all times within these walls, believe nothing less.
During dinner, we go around the table and each person talks about the highs and lows of their day. When my turn came around, I told them I was reading 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close', a book about a 9 year old's life before, during and after 9/11. "Oh, it must be really sad," said one of my sons. It does have sad parts, but mostly it's a story about searching and hope and change. And it has funny parts too. "What is funny about it?" [wait for it] [deep breath] "Succatash my Balzac, dipshiitake."
Mass hysteria ensued and I was their hero-of-the-moment. I took a victory lap.
This phase quickly became overplayed by night's end and continued on. I, once again, created a monster.
Fighting fire with fire, the next night at dinner we had two mysteriously covered dishes on our dinner table. Unveiled, you guessed it - previously frozen and microwave heated succotash in one dish and stir fried shiitake mushrooms in the next. Served with it - a lesson in "if you're going to use the words, we're going to know what they mean."
Succotash is from the Narragansett Indian word msíckquatash, meaning "boiled corn kernels". Succotash is a food dish consisting primarily of corn and lima beans or other shell beans. Our version had corn, limas, red bell pepper and carrots.
Shiitake mushrooms are from East Asia - Japan, China and Korea. They are found on dead logs of evergreen trees that are similar to our beech and oak trees. Shiitake mushrooms have been cultivated for over 1,000 years.
Thankfully I roasted a chicken for them; otherwise they would have starved if these were their only dinner options! My children were not impressed or inspired.
I also enlightened them with some interesting facts about Honore de Balzac.
- 20 May 1799 – 18 August 1850
- a French novelist and playwright.
- His magnum opus was a sequence of short stories and novels collectively entitled La Comédie humaine, which presents a panorama of French life in the years after the 1815 fall of Napoleon
Two of my favorite Balzac quotes (www.brainyquote.com):
- "A man is a poor creature compared to a woman." (my daughter and I high-5'd after I read this one)
- "A mother who is really a mother is never free." (Truer words never spoken)
Not to be outdone, my mischievous 6 year old monster came prepared the next nights round and it was his turn to share his tale, his energy and excitement exuding from every pore. He started by telling us he knew how to spell WE. W-E. Good job. (where is he going with this?) Next, he breaks out a book he had stashed under his chair and shows us a picture of China. Very professor-like, he explains that China is a country where we get Chinese food and Chinese people. (of course.)
Why are we talking about China? I foolishly ask.
"Well," he smirks "Boys have Balzac and girls have We China."
Just another proud moment in my life.
Shiitake!!
