Retired

The Funky Chickent & Alligator Tongues blog is officially retired. 

Please visit my new blog site:  http://www.bethbakulich.wordpress.com/ for the latest on multi-hypenated-me.

Thanks for following and keep sharing and commenting!

Beth

Succotash & Shiitake

I am thankful there are no proverbial flies on the walls of my home.
Oh! The things you would see...
Oh! The things you would hear...though I'm certain the neighbors hear some of it yet, I pretend they don't and this makes me feel better.

In attempt to stop the occassional slip and drop an f-bomb or other curse word, my family has embraced substitute sayings instead - cheese and crackers, mother hubbard, fudge, and other such words and phrases.  We have a Swear Jar and charge $0.25 for each offense, keeping a tally list on the fridge with payment due on the weekend. Though we all pay our dues, I am the worst offender. By far. I find this unfair as I spend more time with the kids and they push me to limits beyond my control.  And I work from home - I occassionally hang up the phone and mutter an innocent "dumbass" under my breath that tally up quick!  [disclaimer:  this wasn't after our call, I promise!]  The trifecta of work and kids and at home are prime swearing territory.  My 6 year old is the next worse offender because he is a jokester and loves to get his brothers giggling.  What better way than to throw down a string of curse words?  They reach levels of hysteria if parts of the anatomy are also used.  Pretty much a state of chaos at all times within these walls, believe nothing less.

During dinner, we go around the table and each person talks about the highs and lows of their day.  When my turn came around, I told them I was reading 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close', a book about a 9 year old's life before, during and after 9/11.  "Oh, it must be really sad," said one of my sons.  It does have sad parts, but mostly it's a story about searching and hope and change.  And it has funny parts too. "What is funny about it?"  [wait for it] [deep breath]  "Succatash my Balzac, dipshiitake."

Mass hysteria ensued and I was their hero-of-the-moment.  I took a victory lap.

This phase quickly became overplayed by night's end and continued on.  I, once again, created a monster.

Fighting fire with fire, the next night at dinner we had two mysteriously covered dishes on our dinner table. Unveiled, you guessed it - previously frozen and microwave heated succotash in one dish and stir fried shiitake mushrooms in the next.  Served with it - a lesson in "if you're going to use the words, we're going to know what they mean."

Succotash is from the Narragansett Indian word msíckquatash, meaning "boiled corn kernels".  Succotash is a food dish consisting primarily of corn and lima beans or other shell beans.  Our version had corn, limas, red bell pepper and carrots.

Shiitake mushrooms are from East Asia - Japan, China and Korea.  They are found on dead logs of evergreen trees that are similar to our beech and oak trees.  Shiitake mushrooms have been cultivated for over 1,000 years.

Thankfully I roasted a chicken for them; otherwise they would have starved if these were their only dinner options!  My children were not impressed or inspired.

I also enlightened them with some interesting facts about Honore de Balzac. 

• 20 May 1799 – 18 August 1850 
• a French novelist and playwright.
• His magnum opus was a sequence of short stories and novels collectively entitled La Comédie humaine, which presents a panorama of French life in the years after the 1815 fall of Napoleon

Two of my favorite Balzac quotes (www.brainyquote.com):

• "A man is a poor creature compared to a woman." (my daughter and I high-5'd after I read this one)
• "A mother who is really a mother is never free." (Truer words never spoken)

 Not to be outdone, my mischievous 6 year old monster came prepared the next nights round and it was his turn to share his tale, his energy and excitement exuding from every pore.  He started by telling us he knew how to spell WE.  W-E.  Good job. (where is he going with this?)  Next, he breaks out a book he had stashed under his chair and shows us a picture of China.  Very professor-like, he explains that China is a country where we get Chinese food and Chinese people.  (of course.)

Why are we talking about China? I foolishly ask.

"Well," he smirks "Boys have Balzac and girls have We China."

Just another proud moment in my life.

Shiitake!!

The Perfect Cook

I only watch TV when I fold laundry.  I wash and fold by the mountain load, stockpiling so I have a solid hour if not more of folding time in order to keep up with Netflix.  If I don't have enough time for a movie, I will watch Food Network.  Yesterday I saw a commercial where this woman said "I am not a perfect cook, but [this product] will make me a perfect cook."

Perfect cook?  Am I supposed to be striving for perfection?  Missed that email. 

I strive to cook with whole foods, minimizing the amount of or eliminating processed food. 
I try to incorporate as much home grown vegetables and herbs from my garden as possible.
Mostly I strive to get a good meal on the table on time with a hope and a prayer that everyone in my family will like, no, not like, will just eat what's being served.

Are my attempts perfect?  With a good belly laugh, no.

I'm messy, I improvise, I rush, I try new things that don't always work or taste good and some times the best laid food planning menu gets chucked in the trash and I stand in front of the pantry and fridge because I ran out of time or forgot to go to the market and I have no clue what to make for dinner. Banging my head against the pantry door and spouting an occassional Damn It! seems to help me think clearly in these instances.

Sometimes I will throw down a perfect meal (the kitchen will be a total disaster as a result), eveyone is eating, everyone is happy, no fits are being thrown because I'm obviously trying to poison them.  In these rare moments, I sit back and bask in the glory.  There will be no thanks given, no recognition or medals or cash rewards for my accomplishment.  Just a mom doing what she set out to do - make a good healthy meal that everyone enjoys.

Comments like "the perfect cook" are why I don't spend my time watching television.  True poison.  Not watching TV makes me an idiot though as everytime someone says 30 Rock I get confused with 3rd Rock from the Sun.  Dated and dumb.  I've seen 30 Rock, I've read Bossypants, I get it.  I just get confused.  My husband just looks at me and shakes his head everytime I make this mistake and has asked that I stop saying making this comparison out loud - think it, don't say it.

Thankfully I've surrounded myself with those who have low expectations of me ever reaching perfection.
The bar is set for me firmly between Just Being Me and Keeping It Real.

Road Trip: San Luis Obispo

On a recent work trip to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo to recruit architecture students, I stopped in at one of my favorite local restaurants, Firestone Grill.  Entering off the street, you cross the patio with three outdoor fireplaces as you head to the order taker inside the restaurant, you already smell the delicious barbecue on the grill.  It wasn't until I stood in line looking up at the menu on the wall that I realized, in my relatively new pescatarian state, that I would not be ordering my favorite, "The Pig", a shredded bbq pork sandwich that is one of the best I've ever had. 

This sudden realization was the first time in 20 days that I had been challenged by really wanting to eat meat over sticking to my decision to not eat meat.  With the air thick with bbq aromas and knowing that The Pig is a great sandwich, it was not an easy decision.  With a sigh, I ordered the Veggie Avocado sandwich and a pint of Firestone DBA.  My friend did not.  She ordered The Pig without hesitation.  Not only did I have to forego eating The Pig, I had to sit and watch someone else eat it!

Luckily we were able split a basket of awesome onion rings and fries to help suffer the loss!

(note:  I typed this post on 1/22 but forgot to publish it.)

Week 1 Reflection

10 days down, we're going strong as Ovo Lacto Pescatarians. My menu planning was too aggressive and we had more food than we could possibly eat at the start.  After a couple of days, we dialed back the menu and figured out what works and what doesn't. What works is keeping it simple. 

We have always been big fruit and veggie eaters, but now - wow - we are seriously going through groceries!  I'm finding myself at the market more often, which doesn't work  I need to fine tune my planning and shopping, which is shocking to say.  I am a master planner.  My warranty is going out on so many other working parts of me, it isn't that surprising that my planning capability needs some fine tuning too.  Good thing all my warranty items can be fixed!

Except the two bites of steak my husband had after being tortured by the fabulous smell while grilling steaks for our son's birthday dinner of choice - remember the kids are are still omnivorous.  He later declared the steak was good but it wasn't worth eating.  Instead of steak, we ate Halibut with Pineapple Avocado Salsa, an Everyday Food magazine recipe (Jan/Feb 2012) that was fabulous. 

If you've tried my Bean and Cheese Burritos, try the sauce on Huevos Rancheros with black beans and poached eggs.   Salmon with potatoes and kale rate high as did the mushroom, barley and zucchini soup. 

Part of the fun, and confusion in planning, is the number of new recipes we are trying. Our favorite new recipe is eggplant baked with lentils and tomatoes.  The black bean soup was mediocre at best and will not be on future menus.

The dinners ahead include cheese ravioli with marinara, bell peppers with corn filling and chili rice, vegetable and tofu pad thai, warm quinoa salad with shrimp and asparagus and grilled veggie pita pizzas. 

Do I notice anything different with changing our diet?  I don't miss meat.  The kids are trying new foods and seem to enjoy what will be put on the table next.  Our youngest thinks we're out to torture him...perhaps we are.  Our 8 year old has decided he doesn't want to eat meat, just bacon and ham.  Our 11 year old wants meat only meals and can his friends come over?  Our 17 year old daughter who has been griping about eating meat forever was excited initially over our new eating plan.  She lasted two days.  She caved for chicken chow mein.  My body composition is changing, definitely not eating the amount of fat as before. I have lost a few pounds (in my elbows - nowhere noticeable).

So far, so good.  How are you doing on your resolutions?  Any diet or lifestyle modifications?

I'm motivated and inspired by the responses and reactions I receive to my blog posts.  Let me know your comments and thoughts - even the tongue in cheek comments by those of you who think dried beans are for art projects. I love a good laugh.  Thanks!

Bean & Cheese Burritos: By Request

When I'm winning the "mean mom" award of the week from my kids, I remind them that I'm not trying to win any popularity contests.  I am their mom for the love of the game, in good times and bad.

This is my same philosophy with cooking.  I don't plan and prepare meals to win popularity contests, I plan and prepare meals to be as healthy and consciencious as possible.  Sometimes I get lucky and everyone likes what I cook too! 

One family favorite is Bean and Cheese Burritos.  I make the burritos in bulk and freeze for later.

I was telling a friend about the burritos and how my youngest has eaten 8+ this week alone.  I received an email from another friend whose daughter was listening in on my conversation and went home and told her!  Word of mouth marketing at its best! 

Here is my Bean and Cheese Burrito recipe that your family will tell their freinds, who will tell their friends, and their friends...and their friends!

Makes 30-35 burritos based on how big you want your burritos.

5 lbs dry pinto beans

Put beans in large pot - I use a 10L stock pot.  Fill pan with water.  Soak beans overnight - at least 12 hours. Drain beans. Put back in pot. 

Add water to cover 2" higher than beans.  Bring to boil.  Cover.  Cook for 2 hours.  Beans should be soft.

Add:

3 onions, chopped
2 T. granulated garlic
4 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. cayenne
1 T. salt
2 T. chili powder
2 tsp. oregano
1 bay leaf

Cook for 1 hour.

To make the burritos:

30+ flour tortillas.  I use Mission Large Burrito size, 16 to a pack
Cheese.  I use 3 bags of Trader Joes Mexican Blend shredded cheese.  Yes, I'll spend 3 hours making beans but I'm too lazy to shred my own cheese combination.

Warm entire package of tortillas in the microwave 1 minute to soften and make folding easier.

One tortilla at a time, add a scoop or two of beans - eyeball it - whatever looks good for your family.  Top with a handful of cheese, again, eyeball it. 

Fold in sides of burrito and roll up from front to back.  Ole  - a burrito!

Wrap in foil, put in freezer bag.  Freeze.  I usually freeze 5-6 per bag.

You will have a freezer full in no time.  These burritos make great after school snacks, quick before or after sport meals and are incredibly inexpensive.

To reheat, unwrap foil.  Put on plate.  Put in microwave.  Cook for 2 minutes, turn burrito over.  Cook for 2 more minutes.  We have a reheat button on our microwave that does the job, we don't bother with flipping.  Work with what you've got.

The fun is not over yet.  Know me well enough to know that I don't slap a burrito on a plate and call it a meal.  I top the burrito with steamed vegetables - cabbage, yam, zucchini, and onion is a great start - and ranchero sauce...and avocado and maybe a bit of sour cream too.

Ranchero Sauce:

1 onion, chopped small
4 1/2 c. water

Bring to boil.  Cook onion until tender.

Add:

1/4 c. soy sauce
1/4 c. chili powder
1 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. granulated garlic

Cook for 2 minutes.

To thicken sauce, mix together:
1/4 c. cornstarch
2 T. whole wheat flour (you can use regular white flour, just use less)
add enough water to make thin paste

Add paste to pan, stirring constantly.
Allow sauce to cook over low heat for 10 minutes to thicken.

Layer it up!  Burrito - Steamed Veggies - Ranchero Sauce - Avocado - Sour Cream.
FABULOUS!

This is one of my family's absolute favorite meals.  I hope it becomes your family's favorite too!
Enjoy!

A New Year, A New Plan

During my work holiday party, a colleague and I were discussing how we planned to change our diets with the new year.  She's going vegan and I reported my husband and I are going vegetarian but eating eggs, dairy and fish.  Both knowing there is a moniker for such eating, but both unable to remember the name, I did a google search when I got home.  "What is a vegetarian that eats fish?"  Yahoo Answers gave me many options but the funniest was "A liar."  We are, it turns out, becoming Ovo-Lacto Pescatarians or vegetarians that eat eggs, dairy and fish.

Basically, we're eating everything but not poultry, pork, beef or other animal meat. We have agreed to try it for 30 days and see if it's manageable with our house and lives.  If so, we'll continue.  If not, we won't die trying. The kids will remain omnivores (with an accent on the carnivore) but will increase their fish and reduce their overall sugar and wheat intake.

Our new menu is 4 days Ovo-Lacto Vegetarain with 3 days Ovo-Lacto Pescatarian.  I love my new vocab words.

Seven "essential", "ultimate" and "complete" vegetarian cookbooks are on my shelf.  All the authors agree that the best vegetarian diet is a balanced diet that provides enough protein.  So how much protein do we need?  I found a great protein calculator at http://www.healthcalculators.org/ which, based on our age, height and activity level, said I need 72 g of protein and my husband needs 92 g of protein.  How many beans am I going to have to eat?  Maybe I should retitle this post "Beans Beans the Magical Fruit..."

Typically when I plan a menu, I focus on dinner only.  Since eating ovo-lacto-vegetarian/pescatarian requires paying attention to a balanced menu, I have to raise the bar. I can no loger worry what's on my hot buttered toast or slap some turkey on bread and call it lunch.  So I've planned 93 meals for the month, and it wasn't easy.  Plus some desserts with reduced sugar and fat.  I was on a roll.  I have no idea what the kids are eating for half the month, but I have pinto beans soaking and plan to make 30 bean and cheese burritos on New Years Day.  They won't starve. I don't think we will either.

We are being more conscientious eaters. Call me vegetarian or pescatarian or ovo-lacto whatever, just don't call me a liar.

To your health!  Happy New Year!